Mr.Wussters

Cheese ,one of many names, the kitten....

MR WUSSTERS....After spending a weekend hunting for a cat or kittens...unsuccessful.
My friend Laura, reassured my little guys that in a month a new liter of kittens held our promise. Well God must have heard our prayers...
That sunday night, the most peculiar thunder and crazy lightening...i was returning home from the CenterReach Meeting..when in the kitchen there was a baby gate up????

BABY GATE...we were past this stage ((( THANK GOD ))
but i knew when i saw all the boys hovered over a nest of blankets TWO little brother cats.
My oldest son had been shopping with his girlfriend. They saw someone walking around with a kitten. He asked them about it. They told him there were two left up front.
The brothers. It was meant to be to have the kittens that weekend,AFTERALL.





Kitten Cat,,,just about year ago


WHAT A LOVELY CAT>>>>>>

A lovely Mr Wussters,,,,he always knew when i was trying to do a photoshoot with him.
He was a purrrfect poser, till he got bored with me. He would yawn and move.


For months we struggled with names.
People seemed bothered that we couldn;t name them.
I was thinking what;s the rush....
they're gods creatures..and when a name finds them...our brains will transfer
them into words


WELL FIRST IT WAS VINCE AND CHEESE >>>>hmmmm....
i liked YIN AND YANG
oR BRAHMA AND SHAKTI
YAY NO >>>THE BOYS WERE AGAINST THAT...so

Cheese an Vince it was
i just thought for the more gray cat...he would be "GrA¥" to me
or chocolate..he had the chocolate tip tail and toes
and his brother had the white tip tail and boots to match...



now Chocolate or GRAY...he is the shy passive guy.
He got his ASS KICKED by the next door neighbors cat BLACKIE....
Scariest thing...he didnt move for two days...
So Cheese, (or Mr.Wussters.)
became his brothers protector.
They soon figured out to get up high and retreat to the fences or
our privacy wall was the best defense...
CLEVER BOYS....


I had hope and Faith that as they grew~ their need to go by the busy road would pass them up...Well, Curiousity killed the cat. Or he spent all his nine lives...???
or simply he learned what he was supposed to learn , his short loving time he spent with us. Or he taught us something about love and kindness while he so generously
touched our lives for the year we were gifted to know him.







He was innovative with his need to stay cool on a hot summer day, resting in the cold bathroom sink.


Mr. Wussters was the Alpha. No questions about it. He always laid ON TOP OF HIS BROTHER>>AH HUH!
He was the stronger cat. But when they were small kittens, he was the one that was always so scared. An Ant would have him retreat behind the TV. While Gray would investigate and reassure his brother it was just an Ant. So as Alpha as he was, he really was a scaredy cat. He seemed to grow out of it. Getting into fights with Blackie, the cat next door, and learning that he could scare the little Chuwawa beagel dog was one of his favorite things to do,,,,as of late.
What a neat cat. He had these really cool hairy tips on his ears...the very tip of his ears....like his own personal ELF EXTENSIONS...
kind of like a hawk or an Owl would upon their ears...
and when he would approach the door to go out
he couldn;t just go out
he had to bend and bow to the ground with his ears back as if the air
would enter his ears...or the vibration of the world~now exposed with an opening of the
door...he had to adjust..always with a bend an a bow...
and it wasn't even a windy day all the time...



In my material sadness, of his physical absence , i know he is an elf owl waiting for me, along with the other cats that have touched my life.
When i go to heaven they;ll call me the cat lady. There will be lot's of cats greeting me when i get there. I just know it.
Death always seems so final. But when my emotions settle, i always find in the calm light of my heart, they reside there. I can feel them anytime i want. I just can't touch their softest, most precious purring hairs.
I love you Mr. Wussters...see you again.
Ps..your brother cat is missing you too.

WE'RE ALL CHILDREN OF MOTHER NATURE

Growing up in a school with a hardy summer reading list~
The summer of 84', Emerson and Thoreau became my mentors.



Their words seemed to hold my truth, the way
a candle holds light.
They spoke my feelings.
They ignited a path I hadn't realized
I was already on
but now, looking back I can see it...
I was the candle
and they were the Match that lit the wick
lit me up 
They were source, the light
exposing the path....

It was an ongoing message I had been
writting about in essays for English
and
The American Dream Class.
Communication not Competition.....
Cooperation Vs. Competition



Maybe it was the cheerleaders that didn't pick me out of the line up
or the girl that told all the middle schoolers I was gay
and suddenly I had no friends...
to this day I wonder
how her words held such power.

I had no voice, I felt like a no one.
These events humbled me. I  felt the hard knocks of life
and  toughening me up.....it was necessary. Perhaps?

I became that quiet weird chick in the corner
that defended the "nerds".....
and next thing you know
I found a voice, I found Me.

I didn;t need a sport to define who I was or a Club to create me...
I found me in my reading,
I found myself in the Nature all around ~
wether it was up at the lake house in Hopatcong Nj.
starring at the massive body of water
which gave me a particular
"feeling"
or
everyother weekend while
visitng my dad,
looking out the window
of that greyhound bus
on the way to Cambridge Mass.
The landscapes stirred something
within me.



My eyes were spurred opened to that
"feeling"....
thus my physical became very
aware to the
connection it had with "The spirit"
of things,
that summer of 84'.
Through Emerson and Thoreau
and the death of my dear friend Kidon Bauman,
I found a reverence for self and spirit.
Emerson and Thoreau spoke of such holy, cherished respect
of their surroundings....


Like in Emerson's essay NATURE , he writes,

"Crossing a bare common, in snow puddles, at twilight, under a clouded sky, without having in my thoughts any occurrence of special good fortune, I have enjoyed a perfect exhilaration. I am glad to the brink of fear. In the woods too, a man casts off his years, as the snake his slough, and at what period soever of life, is always a child. In the woods, is perpetual youth. Within these plantations of God, a decorum and sanctity reign, a perennial festival is dressed, and the guest sees not how he should tire of them in a thousand years. In the woods, we return to reason and faith. There I feel that nothing can befall me in life, -- no disgrace, no calamity, (leaving me my eyes,) which nature cannot repair. Standing on the bare ground, -- my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, -- all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God. The name of the nearest friend sounds then foreign and accidental: to be brothers, to be acquaintances, -- master or servant, is then a trifle and a disturbance. I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I find something more dear and connate than in streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature. "


I love the line where he writes
IN THE WOODS IS PERPETUAL YOUTH....



This year, being the grand age of 42, I still hold the child like "silliness"
towards living things. Don;t get me wrong, I am fully aware
of my ability to be very negative and abit angry at times.

Thus the ebb and flow of mother nature
she's peaceful yet fiery and fierce...
placid and melancholy
holding the wonders of the
windy and contrasting sky


I am like Her many seasons....

I am like Her many reasons.....

To be childlike and see ALL people and cherish them
in all of their colors.....


To be childlike
to be free from ego
to be free from fear
to be free in spirit

We all are creatures of God.
Human Beings , all spiritual entities....

There is no race to get closer to God
There is no "class" that one can take to put you first in line
to meet God
wether you;re a Yogi meditating for three years in silence
or
A Cardinal at the Basilica in Italy,
a dude stuck in a cell on Rikers Island
or of a devout religious sect
following a complete discipline guideline in life...
a happy go lucky , free loving, pot smoking hippie
or perhaps a tangled web weaver.......
God does not discriminate
We are all of this kindred spirit
this kindred universe
You may or may not
even care to have a dialogue with God....
God is within us all
wether we see it or not
He is not more in some
and less in others....
and i feel sorry for those that
condescend...

We are equal...in spirit
but in a physical primal way
there is a pecking order, No doubt.

Unfortunately, we live on a very
competitive planet
~where we fight over our resources
~where we live in access
~where the disease of more has
most of
the human race forgetting
that less is more....

That all of our religions are so much alike
and yet Wars are raging
because
THEIR ONE RELIGION MUST BE THE RIGHT ONE????!!!!

Is this just the beauty of our dearest
Mother Nature
that she;s got each one of us thinking
that we are her favorite
while she whispers to us ALL the very same thing

WE ARE ALL HER FAVORITE....

Where the rich and famous think they're the chosen
ones
when, in fact, they're prisoners of their very own ego;s
their very own making.....

WE ARE ALL HER CHOSEN ONES

without the dark there would be no light
without the evil there would be no good

without our daily bread
there will be trespasses

I live in the light of love
that in all that i do

I embrace that I am forever learning
like a child.....





"The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood. His intercourse with heaven and earth, becomes part of his daily food. In the presence of nature, a wild delight runs through the man, in spite of real sorrows. Nature says, -- he is my creature, and maugre all his impertinent griefs, he shall be glad with me. Not the sun or the summer alone, but every hour and season yields its tribute of delight; for every hour and change corresponds to and authorizes a different state of the mind, from breathless noon to grimmest midnight. Nature is a setting that fits equally well a comic or a mourning piece. In good health, the air is a cordial of incredible virtue."




I rebel in my wild child delight of each lesson learned in this lifetime
to tears at times
to laughter in others
In some lessons I stumble
and fall into complete utter disgust
or morbid detachment.....

but like a child,
I brush myself off
and continue along the path....forgetting
what ever was the bother...

and as King Arthur once shared with his
Noble Knights
To run into the Woods
find your own path
and there you will find the Holy Grail.