There's a bottom to the top of the moment.....

Just one of those weeks.....

It has been a rough couple weeks, with the cold and all. In all honesty, it's been a rough couple of months. Back in August, my husband was diagnosed with a Pancoast Tumor. Dec. 5~ his surgery was a success. His surgeon sent him home five days later, after removing the right upper lobe of his lung along with a completely "dead" tumor. The chemo and radiation shrunk the tumor by 90%. The pathology reports came back negative! A true blessing. These months have been like tall shadows casting across our life, with brilliant contrasting skies. Along with falling leafs and creaking branches. In nature things are constantly changing & forever healing itself back to life. If anything the cycle of life is just what it is. Like a nest forms a circle, the circles are evident every where I look. Sugar, our 30 year old pony was a real champion through all the snow an cold. The wind was ferocious. I had her cozy inside her little barn with hay and straw, but the wind had the snow blowing right inside her door. Sugar with her wild icicle whiskers did just fine. If only I taken a picture, I;m growing used to my third eye camera lens.It's an eternal photo caught. Last Saturday night, was the first night I felt like I could leave her stable door open. Being Sunday, I didn't go back to her until 9am. I found her laying down in wet earth , exhausted & frozen. Her right leg was quivering, to me a sign of complete muscle fatigue.It took five of us to lift her and we ended up holding her for ten minutes as she just wanted so badly to go down again, suddenly her instinct to survive returned an she drank and ate as if her life depended upon it. Our neighbors so graciously let her borrow a coat. I liked to think that Sugar got a cozy purple night gown. Today was a repeat of last Sunday, However, She was inside her barn and her new coat was rubbing little cuts into her butt. Again, five of us maneuvered for 40 minutes. She was able to get up, exhausted and so sore. My heart is not ready to let her go, and seemingly she is not ready to go. She has arthritis, and a few other symptoms , I have diagnosed her with but I am NO DOCTOR. AND REALLY for a 30 year old Pony, We must be doing something correct. Receipt, proof positive, that We are forever receiving help from invisible forces~ Be it thru intuition, % actions not regularly taken and Usually ignored. And Really, I can not express the powerlessness I have been feeling lately. There is no way of knowing anything, as far as LIFE goes. One minute you are here and , like the way my dad passed away 2 years ago, Nov22., he was gone. Went to the super market with his son Billy. The air was cold, and a blood clot was waiting for it;s moment to pass up from his leg into his lung and explode. He fell, into billy;s arms. He "came to" , and from the cold ground, he joked with the supermarket attendants that brought him a blanket. Passed out to come to one more time to tell Billy, "I love you." GONE. But SEE NOT GONE>>>> He;s been with me, WITH US, always. Even when we lived miles apart, he was always here. He is NEVER NOT HERE. Like a gentle wind, a tender whispering from the bees. Tiny birds, shadow lit trees, Twi-lighting dreams, eternal connection Streams in memories ....... January 22, the year I turned 40. My father, actually remembered my birthday, but not only that, he sent me a moon stone necklace. Now I am not big on the jewelry scene. But this was silver encased and it was a gentle piece. A beautiful sparkling gray moon stone taken from a dated meteorite. That he thought of me. You know , when you do birthdays every year & every year there's nothing. And then one year, unexpectedly there's a gift. The power of that alone, took my breath away. I have to say the lesson of Quality VS> Quantity was a most substantial ingredient in my foundation with my Father. I;m really not big on birthdays, I must have picked adopted that from Pops. This year I will be turning 50. I was at work when ~ My father and I were having our usual dialog , and the topic of discussion was about my 40th birthday. See the dialogue is funny as the thoughts are so fast , and far exceed any sort of verbals even within your own mind, so the question is not a question AS IT IS ANSWERED BEFORE IT IS ASKED. MY GRATITUDE WAS OF COURSE ALSO MY THANKS OF PAST, PRESNT, AND FUTURE. But mostly, I was saying that my gift today from him is his continued presence & dialogue. That much like Quality vs. Quantity Spiritual contact/connection is far beyond physical contact, for some , not all.... but for me His Gifts are good enough for me from the otherside. I do not think my dad thought this was acceptable for my BIG 50~ My little sister phoebe reached out to me shortly after my small conversations with the otherside she had not my new cell, got it from my sister-in law. We hadn't spoke for many months. She wanted to know if I wanted dad's blanket he had in the hospital? I have had my baby blanket since I was a baby.I am a blankie girl. I had no expectations, offered my UPS ACCT#.... because my NEED WAS DEEP AND MY FAITH WAS LACKING, from past experience. Once my step mom offered to send me her Mother's book of survival from the Nazi's. They raided a farm that kept her mother an her siblings buried beneath a board in an animals pen. I never received the book. Many month;s later my little sister promised it was going in the mail. Never did get it. So my hope in the follow thru was sincerely lacking in any sort of actuality.... I'm sorry it's not sugar coated. Having no expectations , I let the entire IDEA go. So that night when and my little sister, whom is not so little anymore; Beautiful, married and all grown up, texted me~ asking for my address as she was at fed ex and in the process of sending me a box of dads stuff. I began to cry. She said it would most likely make it here on my birthday, Jan 22. The hope that the living continue to live and the "othersiders" continue to bless my world with their essence of presence in a sort of murmuration of spirit that we are all Connected,& Receivers~ Reciept proof positive ~thru our actions ,acted upon, via an invisible dictation, transmitted from the other side.

No quiero

Dedicated to a darling soul , Bob Collins, may you rest in peace

When the phone rang and my friend Holly shared the news of our Friend Bob passing over to the other side this song was playing on the radio. A boy with a coin he found in the weeds With bullets and pages of trade magazines Close to a car that flipped on the turn When God left the ground to circle the world A girl with a bird she found in the snow Then flew up her gown and that?s how she knows That God made her eyes for crying at birth Then left the ground to circle the Earth A boy with a coin he crammed in his jeans Then making a wish he tossed in the sea Walked to a town that all of us burn When God left the ground to circle the world Songwriters: Samuel Ervin Beam

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