Jus† in I

         Jus† In I
Illuminated Collage
~Catlin Bottoms-Newby~

How do u hug ur pillow?

Physically Departed ~Spiritually Present

The Dude on the Left David S.... was my first boyfriend...WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND IN
KINDEGARTEN????
ME>>>>>>> hahaha
The Cat on the right Adam Yauch~  both lovely souls~ may they be chillin; together
upstairs !!!! R.I.P

Well, many years pass by...... all us village kids grow up.
I;m like 17, my parents go away for a 10 day sailing trip........
bored bored bored~
the milk bar was where I ended up!
 bringing some strange junkie dude~home with me~
(((first time i ever picked some random
dude up EvERrr....)))

NAME: FETISH with an ENglish` accent~
  …the accent was gone..the next morning!HA!
 he asked me if I wanted to make some cash…
That he would take my pay check & triple it….long story short..by the end of the week I was doing dope/coke like Michellle Pfheifer in scar face…cutting lines on my Vanity with the glass top..

feeling like I had been played~ a broke Joke, this Dude, FETISH and I were pretty much OVER>>>
we needed a break from eachother -
we agreed we’d go our seperate ways and meet back at Westbeth at 6am
…fine…
HENCE~the night before~ I was putting my lipstick on in "AREA" bathroom…
co-ed of course....
and this Guido with a lime plaid coat, to the floor, asked me if i wanted to do some lines in the stall…sure!!!..WE exchange numbers.....
THE NEXT NIGHT~
Guido Dude calls, wants me to come to the Rockaways 
I think to myself ~Not a good idea being stuck out there!!!
SO......
~1st broken rule~ tell Guido where I live and to come pick me up…
He's still in the same absurd jacket…
he has the biggest bag of coke I’d ever seen…
he’ puts an 8ball down 4 my bro and his girl….
we split…
he says we have to drop this shit off to keith herring.¿¿!!!¡¡?....
down on Rivington St…its real shady down there back then..over near chrystie st..
and we’re knocking ~~~banging ON THE DOOR
…no good…no answer
We walk to a pay phone.... no one’s picking up.....
his anxiety is  freakin' me out…
we start to walk..along that park over there…
and this car, outta NO wheRE cOMEs to a sKretching hault and 2 dudes get out.....
and start running after US…I look back ..
Guido Dude tells me to run… 
"I’m nOT WITH U ….UR CRAZY"…& I turn and see the guys coming right for us
 and I start running.....
get to the corner..Delancy st.. bowery??
a cab happens to pull up to the corner and we’re in it…
one dude that was chasing us enters down into the subway.... like he 
 and jerky GUIDO , in the lime green plaid coat, decides NOW he’s gonna be the chaser!
 As the cab wants to drive away GuidO's walkman falls into the gutter and he is now jumping out of the cab and running down into the subway.....
I tell the cabbie to pull away.. I am like PULL AWAY….Cabbie tells me I need to close the door…
and as my hand reaches for the door…Guido Lime Jacket is swooping up his Walkman from the gutter and he is pulling the door open as I am trying to close it.... he eyeballs me like~~ were you just gonna close the door on me?!
the cabbie is starting to get pissed…Guido boy tells him to go to the Palladium…
I sAID nO !!! (I knew my friend Peter was going to AREA, SO, …I insisted on AREA~  scared!)

The Cabbie is frustrated- which one will it be Palladium or Area??!!
AREA!!I was freaked out , trying to hide it but would not back down! AREA-It was!!! I felt better knowing I was on my way to a club I knew inside out and that my friend would be there to save me ~I WAS PRAYING>
…GUIDO DUDE has got me outside talkin' shit~ I'm trying to play it cool ~not even listening~
 "Ur not like all the girls, Ur so pure~Ur so Fly~ Ur my kinda of chick,,…blah blah bblah…lalala lallah lah blah blah blah…." He's trying to kick it to me?!

I’m not even listening cuz' I'm still So Freaked out and ALL I can do is envision a way of how to get AWAY from him….
We finally get inside and as soon as I could~
 I bent down way low and literally was like hiding…down low, making sure that as long as I could see him.. from FAR away, it was good…I was looking for my friend….. he was not there!! Panic was setting in.
As I circled thru that tunnel for like the 800th time…someone took my hand…
I look up and it was DAVID. S .....!!! SCILKEN!!!! DAVE???!!!!
I knew him since kindergarten..he was my safe haven..... the relief was profound! I could breath.

David S. pulls me into VIP bar section. he reaches for that soft , safe, elegant Velvet Rope.....he;s like what's up Tooty Bottoms....that was my knick name.. it;s been a long time!!…someone wants to meet u..how r u?? U look GreaT!!
.....and as we walk, I look up and I see Donte Ross first.. Adam, Mike, Adam, and some cat with a nutty beard (Rick Rubin)....
 I’m introduced ~I’m handed a drink..I’m like what the fuck is happening,,,,they’ve got their tags..they just completed a show at Madison Square Garden???!…la De dA! … it registers in my mind barely ( SO nUMB).... The Virgin Tour!

Did I want to go to WHITE CASTLE????? THEY ASKED ME !?!! LAUGHING INSIDE ~I SAID YEAH!!!!
 (Thinking to myself ~ I've been saved from GuiDO BoY)!!
Next thing I’m in a limo..lighting a joint..I think only Mike D  smoked it …
I think back, none of them wanted any,,,,, they were ALL on a White Castle Mission.....
burgers…surreal...high…floating… safe.
one by one the boys are dropped off~ Leaving Adam H and me ~
He wants me to do him in the limo.....
the whole while, the limo driver is soooo watching…and I’m llike….a nice girl(hahaha) 
and the Driver is watching and
    NO I cant do this with an audience….!!!!
So we end up at Adam's home…
ROLL AROUND EXTREME STYLE
~he gives me his number …he wants me to stay ..but I’m explaining how I’m supposed to meet up with my sooon to be X` boyfriend at 6am…and he’s like call me later!!!…. I told him I would break it off with Fetish ~
Adam asked me "be mine...be my girl"……
yaya I guess we could hang. ..solid like…..i’ll call u later…

first mistake…told Guido Dude where I lived…
 Floating home ~ surreal dreams do come true ~ I wanted to date Horovitz for years~ We went to the same Highschool , always saw eachother on the street ~he;d throw me the cutest smiles ~ I knew he liked me ,Kinda! All these realities floating around in my head....
… I turn the corner on Washington and Bethune…a cab pulls up to the corner and guess who pops out but GUIDO BOY himself..green plaid coat to the floor and all!!!!
 and did I mention no shirt on underneath… tacky freak,
 he follows me into Westbeth…"UR LIKE ALL THE REST …ur a stupid bitch!!!"
…starts pushing me around in the elevator.." dumb bitch!!!" follows me to my apartment

…gets me in my room pushes me down  into my closet ..like raging on me….
I immediately call Adam
from the Mickey Mouse Phone my grandpa gave me~

..he tells me to come right back…
I am walking down Washington street, this dude is full on yelling at me…what felt like a pimp....
I can see Adam watching for me out his window.
Green Lime GuidO is like~ at the top of his lungs~ yelling at me… looking down at the ground all the while..... I am about to get away once again from this scary dude~
 I look up at Adam..his head pops into his apartment an a few seconds later....
I’m buzzed in…and..so bitter sweet…I’m saved once again…never to see gUIDOJack again…
~But what sucked was~ after I let ADAM HAVE ME 20x’s over in every other way…he’s hugging me and securing me out of my emotional turmoil…and he asks me….
"Do you have aids?"… hah,
I was like ~too late bitch.~nOW ur gonna ask me if I’m dirty… too late now...NO JIMMIE HAVING BUSTED<
that was harsh… perhaps being the "NICE" girl from around the way.... being that Adam H and I eyeballed each other in the hallways of Mcburney~ perhaps he had trust in me with safe sex!
but YAY that’s the story…of how we met "officially"…David S.... saved my life that night...... I truly Believe that!
…passing glances ~always making that frequency eyeball connection …Adam and I ,We were Hot and Heavy~ until he left to go on tour and I left to go up to Bard college~~the summer of 86'......patience an the universe conspires,,,
This will be a fun story to share from a rocking chair when I have grand kids ~ my pop icon hooker/groupie days ~
 back in the day~ the history was always shared from the elders to the youth… it feels like the elders don't care to share~~ an the youth don;t know how to listen or even care to ask .... hearing an listening are not the same thing.
Our world is missing the circle. The circle of  good stories an learning listeners.
Like when the Indians sat in a circle
the scared circle.