RAY CAESAR- THIS GUY!

Mab Graves

My latest fascination. There are many artists and actors that move me to the core, and I go thru this mini mirror revelation. I used to do it as a kid, when I saw a particular movie , I would go home and become the character. Perhaps as a youngster dealing with divorce an other drama - it was somehow an escape for me. I have always done my collage work, played with dolls another form of going into my other world. But what I love about Mab is she has maintained and incorporated her toys into her adulthood life. Peter pan is a book that always brings me back into the reality that I never truly want to grow up an have always struggled with never feeling like I fit in anywhere. Perhaps because I never really grew up despite mothering four lovely boys. As of late, since my grave's disease;Thyroid eye disease kicked -in an robbed me of any energy, I feel like I am slowly recovering. The removal of a cyst in my upper right parathyroid gland has me feeling a spark of renewel. I need more people like Mab Graves to be who they are for who they are an how they are ,,, fully transparent an unapologetic for this clarity. I have often felt that my transparency as a person ,,,, it;s like women don;t know how to deal with me or I just feel misunderstood often. I hide... I do my work, I do my life an stay far away from groups. Time is so precious and I adore this artist and the inspiration that wells up inside me brings me renewed joy... Forever Young.... my inner Pippi Longstocking never left.Forever young is doing what you love every day. I have arrived. Mab Graves , I adore you.

RECURRING DREAM

To dream that you are packing, but the more your pack, the more there is to pack implies that you are weighed down by the endless responsibilities and expectations in your life. As a result, you are stuck in your current circumstances.

Knowing Vs. Accepting.......

Indulged in listening, fully satisfied in the anticipation of the unknown. & Than Slapped with a question. "What is spirituality to you?" I was happy with just listening. WHat a vast question, which direction should I take? The path I began to speak about was quickly and abruptly interrupted. I felt like I answered WRONG> I am fine with being schooled but part of being EMPATHIC is listening no? And what exactly is EMPATHIC? Krishnamurti speaks of being schooled. When one becomes schooled the belts of mental or physical majesty are awarded. Rightfully so,. Is there no majesty in the innocent unknowing empathic? The simpleton empathic that is just that- simple, in the moment fresh from the farm. Thru no routine of meditation, or booked definitions or school mined dictation. Spoon fed from "dad's" experience. A father to his child, thru no religion; but a sacred circle of listening an sharing. Sharing of the sweetest essence, in the purest form of the experience itself. Shared visions in stars, up in the sky & the taste of moment to moment, complete unknowing~ life on universes terms. There's no chair for the farm fed empathic in a schooled arena of black belted mediums an archetypes. At least that's how my fear based self took it for awhile. The "judged" feeling resides in the lower energy realms of the needy ID. This raw Empathic with this clean pineal gland~ that posses an innocent everyday reverent outlook on life, that everyday is a sort of meditation in itself, is the very knowing in all of it;s unknowing ~ with no school book history, this invisible knowledge which already resides with in the hillbilly Empathic. Aquired,accepted knowledge, god given,& dna enriched or Booked,schooled,achieved & challenged? It is purely felt and unimagined, you can't learn that.

i hear gods whispers.....

im just here to see how far it can bend.........

NO ONE KNOWsss WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN TIME IN TIME...................................

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need to have.

have to turn my head until the darkness goes......

I HEART

“To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

VANDALISM IN VAMPdUALism

A woman that claims to lift you up while she holds your head under the water? There;s nothing worse than a narcissistic woman in her forties; Brings me right back to middle school. It's mind boggling , personally at fifty years of age how I could want to stick around for the abuse. One woman that has several other women wrapped around her tiny swollen finger, pointing and directing. I wonder about such a spell that holds others mesmerized. I have become blinded by this spell , yes I am guilty, but I have been slapped awake by the mistreatment. In the past, I sold out to lending an ear to ugly words being spilled forth about other women she has within her pack, thinking I was good enough for her. Just a tactic I fell for.In denial, that I am one she speaks of with ugly words to her troop. I am not good enough for her pack.(or rather too good, as I could never do mean to others.) She knows I see her truth. I was merely a tool for a short while. If you have something she needs ,she is ON YOU, sweet as tart can be. A TAKER OF ALL TAKERS. Criticizing how others are so cheap. Look in the mirror. As soon as she has utilized you all up & found a replacement , You will be tossed to the side- Not Out, only because she may need something from you in the future. If you can stand it, you stay and tolerate the ebb and flow of her inconsistent "niceness". It amazes me , more in which why I stay in such an awkward position. And for that it is on me. I take full responsibility for my part in this. It's because there's something I want that I can't get anywhere else. The mistreatment hhahahaha, yeh mAYBE! The way some one can treat another so vile one day and the next day as if she has always loved you~ leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. It is so sad to me, how women, like myself can stand around allowing this big head, tick, suck dry every ounce of integrity. She claims to empower women, and some she very well does~ but it is quickly cancelled out by the way she treats the other half of the women, how she throws herself into tantrums when things do not go her way, or how she will tell everyone your breath stinks ~ having all her flying monkey's covering their face as they talk to you. Flying Monkeys' , a term I googled one night upon which I returned home having just left the company of this woman, with an awful feeling in my gut. An inner voice that was screaming FLYING MONKEYS < FLYING MONKEYS go ahead google it,,,, I will tell you NOW... Wizard of Oz does not come up. I am more curious, more so, with why I choose to stay on the outskirts of this fake fake. I am no longer providing the services I used to, I have chosen to believe that what I am receiving as a freebie, is hardly that. The barter on a material level is fine, but when it turns into a weapon and becomes a tax on a spiritual level, I need to find another way to get my groove on. I want women to fix my crown not try to knock it off.

Reich & Tesla

the lyrics the lyrics.......

do not recall what video i posted here but yet again I do not own it thus I can not post it?

4 2 4

1111

POST NØ

BEST MOVIE EVER

We are only tourist in this life....

There's a bottom to the top of the moment.....

Just one of those weeks.....

It has been a rough couple weeks, with the cold and all. In all honesty, it's been a rough couple of months. Back in August, my husband was diagnosed with a Pancoast Tumor. Dec. 5~ his surgery was a success. His surgeon sent him home five days later, after removing the right upper lobe of his lung along with a completely "dead" tumor. The chemo and radiation shrunk the tumor by 90%. The pathology reports came back negative! A true blessing. These months have been like tall shadows casting across our life, with brilliant contrasting skies. Along with falling leafs and creaking branches. In nature things are constantly changing & forever healing itself back to life. If anything the cycle of life is just what it is. Like a nest forms a circle, the circles are evident every where I look. Sugar, our 30 year old pony was a real champion through all the snow an cold. The wind was ferocious. I had her cozy inside her little barn with hay and straw, but the wind had the snow blowing right inside her door. Sugar with her wild icicle whiskers did just fine. If only I taken a picture, I;m growing used to my third eye camera lens.It's an eternal photo caught. Last Saturday night, was the first night I felt like I could leave her stable door open. Being Sunday, I didn't go back to her until 9am. I found her laying down in wet earth , exhausted & frozen. Her right leg was quivering, to me a sign of complete muscle fatigue.It took five of us to lift her and we ended up holding her for ten minutes as she just wanted so badly to go down again, suddenly her instinct to survive returned an she drank and ate as if her life depended upon it. Our neighbors so graciously let her borrow a coat. I liked to think that Sugar got a cozy purple night gown. Today was a repeat of last Sunday, However, She was inside her barn and her new coat was rubbing little cuts into her butt. Again, five of us maneuvered for 40 minutes. She was able to get up, exhausted and so sore. My heart is not ready to let her go, and seemingly she is not ready to go. She has arthritis, and a few other symptoms , I have diagnosed her with but I am NO DOCTOR. AND REALLY for a 30 year old Pony, We must be doing something correct. Receipt, proof positive, that We are forever receiving help from invisible forces~ Be it thru intuition, % actions not regularly taken and Usually ignored. And Really, I can not express the powerlessness I have been feeling lately. There is no way of knowing anything, as far as LIFE goes. One minute you are here and , like the way my dad passed away 2 years ago, Nov22., he was gone. Went to the super market with his son Billy. The air was cold, and a blood clot was waiting for it;s moment to pass up from his leg into his lung and explode. He fell, into billy;s arms. He "came to" , and from the cold ground, he joked with the supermarket attendants that brought him a blanket. Passed out to come to one more time to tell Billy, "I love you." GONE. But SEE NOT GONE>>>> He;s been with me, WITH US, always. Even when we lived miles apart, he was always here. He is NEVER NOT HERE. Like a gentle wind, a tender whispering from the bees. Tiny birds, shadow lit trees, Twi-lighting dreams, eternal connection Streams in memories ....... January 22, the year I turned 40. My father, actually remembered my birthday, but not only that, he sent me a moon stone necklace. Now I am not big on the jewelry scene. But this was silver encased and it was a gentle piece. A beautiful sparkling gray moon stone taken from a dated meteorite. That he thought of me. You know , when you do birthdays every year & every year there's nothing. And then one year, unexpectedly there's a gift. The power of that alone, took my breath away. I have to say the lesson of Quality VS> Quantity was a most substantial ingredient in my foundation with my Father. I;m really not big on birthdays, I must have picked adopted that from Pops. This year I will be turning 50. I was at work when ~ My father and I were having our usual dialog , and the topic of discussion was about my 40th birthday. See the dialogue is funny as the thoughts are so fast , and far exceed any sort of verbals even within your own mind, so the question is not a question AS IT IS ANSWERED BEFORE IT IS ASKED. MY GRATITUDE WAS OF COURSE ALSO MY THANKS OF PAST, PRESNT, AND FUTURE. But mostly, I was saying that my gift today from him is his continued presence & dialogue. That much like Quality vs. Quantity Spiritual contact/connection is far beyond physical contact, for some , not all.... but for me His Gifts are good enough for me from the otherside. I do not think my dad thought this was acceptable for my BIG 50~ My little sister phoebe reached out to me shortly after my small conversations with the otherside she had not my new cell, got it from my sister-in law. We hadn't spoke for many months. She wanted to know if I wanted dad's blanket he had in the hospital? I have had my baby blanket since I was a baby.I am a blankie girl. I had no expectations, offered my UPS ACCT#.... because my NEED WAS DEEP AND MY FAITH WAS LACKING, from past experience. Once my step mom offered to send me her Mother's book of survival from the Nazi's. They raided a farm that kept her mother an her siblings buried beneath a board in an animals pen. I never received the book. Many month;s later my little sister promised it was going in the mail. Never did get it. So my hope in the follow thru was sincerely lacking in any sort of actuality.... I'm sorry it's not sugar coated. Having no expectations , I let the entire IDEA go. So that night when and my little sister, whom is not so little anymore; Beautiful, married and all grown up, texted me~ asking for my address as she was at fed ex and in the process of sending me a box of dads stuff. I began to cry. She said it would most likely make it here on my birthday, Jan 22. The hope that the living continue to live and the "othersiders" continue to bless my world with their essence of presence in a sort of murmuration of spirit that we are all Connected,& Receivers~ Reciept proof positive ~thru our actions ,acted upon, via an invisible dictation, transmitted from the other side.

No quiero

Dedicated to a darling soul , Bob Collins, may you rest in peace

When the phone rang and my friend Holly shared the news of our Friend Bob passing over to the other side this song was playing on the radio. A boy with a coin he found in the weeds With bullets and pages of trade magazines Close to a car that flipped on the turn When God left the ground to circle the world A girl with a bird she found in the snow Then flew up her gown and that?s how she knows That God made her eyes for crying at birth Then left the ground to circle the Earth A boy with a coin he crammed in his jeans Then making a wish he tossed in the sea Walked to a town that all of us burn When God left the ground to circle the world Songwriters: Samuel Ervin Beam

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