Cut my eyes open

Past , Present, Future

LOOKING BACK IS ALWAYS 20/20 Question: Which came first the art dealer or the art? the chicken or the egg? what is a commissioned work of art? When the buyer is not exacticakly the art "dealer". Should it be more the idea of the commissioner, or more within the faith of the commissioned? is it a 60/40 or a 50/50..... rather a 20/80...could it ever be 20 / 20 Both have needs , perhaps entirely different. Both have desires, perhaps entirely different, the money starves the limbs from appropriate circulation within the conversation. The conversation? The converstaion of required specifications- when the art dealer becomes money hungry, it is the utmost turn off to an artist- when it is clearly the underlying current driving the art dealer at it's commissioned artist. When prices are somewhat private, the etitiquette of it all is precisely what I am missing. Me, Myself & eye are just it, but to get it built , to have a team that wants to create my vision- is lacking. My voice is lacking, the entire project of my soul is set UPon a table, with an electricity I barely got time to know, because as this birth was taking place, the very "team" alotted to me, our very own sign business- saw fit to abort any such happening. I stood there watching it in real time. Feeling an abortion without any medicine.... is what it felt like- I suppose. The lack of follow thru- add on the reality of the sign shop's OWN projects. The comments from the art dealer, the work not being of stellar fine art world quality... I can take that full on- no schooling - and buidling inside a sloppy mom&pop neon shop, what else does one expect. Perfection is a thorn . It is a state of mind, it's in the eye of the beholder, as an art dealer - how do you fill ur gallery with stuff only you love, why assume your taste is perfection for others? The narcissism involved on every level makes my hunger fall away like an anorexic- where's the exit. My short lived endevours. Not built for this society of busy body, fARTdeALeRZ.

Olivia Newton John

P.S.41 - The Greenwhich Village school- had a 5th grade talent show- and I got to lip sync 2 songs by Olivia Newton John. I wanted to be her! Grease had come out the year before, and all the kids said I looked like her. Boy Did I want to believe that. Grease! What a great movie, and growing up watching my dad perform in Dance With Me- a play all about the 50's greasers and excellent music. I always learned all the lyrics. It felt natural. Grease was like Romeo and Juliet in a way. I loved the Drama. All the characters- Teenage life in the 5th grade, so intriguing. I must have watched that movie a 100 times. I knew every word to every song, so naturally I picked one song from Grease and one song from her personal album "OLIVIA" ; "A little More Love."

That was a good year for me in Mr. Smiths' Class, I had loyal friends and I felt secure in my world. It took me years to get that back after my dad left when I was about three years old. Funny to look back, because now that I am thinking about it in 6th grade I did a night club act for my dads friend Seth Allen, and I really sang "One way or another" by Blondie- with a live band- at the 42nd st Cafe and Susan Tyrell was in it too, Said she would try to have her friend Debbie Harry come to see me- but that never happened. I did see Debbie a few times walking along Bleeker st. and I smiled really big. And in 10th grade at The Mcburney Talent Show - I lip synced Madonna's "Lucky Star". I truly wanted to be a rockstar , however I couldn;t sing for shit. We often put on shows for my parents and the neighbors. I always loved music since really little. My mom told me once that my dad had this cassette deck with speakers in a leather carry case, it was fancy - a Sony. My dad would set me in the middle of the two speakers blasting the Beatles, the Moody Blues and the Doors. My entire life has a sound track. Olivia will live in my soul for ever. SO much going on these days as far as loss, cancer and life. It truly is about living for the day. There are no guaranties for anyone. My husband of 30+yrs has been recieving chemo treatments every three weeks now since late March. He had lung cancer about 5 yr.s ago and he beat that. I have faith he will beat this one- but we never know do we - how it all pans out is something of a great mystery in this wild world we live in. My father left this world too soon, 73 feels young to me! Forever Young. Rest In Peace Beautiful Woman- Olivia Newton John.