It’s Fall of 2025

Once again , charlies cancer has returned. Chemo has been ordered- 4 sessions in the next 2 months. Next week will be the second session. The prostate cancer had jumped to the bone- the first bit of chemo seemed to have nipped it in the bud- but this summer seemed grim- however perfect the butterfly bushes filled in- the summer garden held many air Bee & Butterfly visitors yet none of my immediate family came / mom home suffering from hip pain & political malaise . The nights were fliied with an incessent cough, painful bones- blood transfusions and the kids thought I was projecting my negative vibes onto their father- yet I was merely looking for any sort of connection , or confirmation on my observations. No one else was consistently awakened in the middle of the night to hear the coughing, the pace of a 92 yr old. all I thought was it's back. Sure enough - did I summon this - NO. I did not cause this, nor can I control it . We moved the shop and the stress has been one after the next - yet somehow we get it done- the family is like a denim with the patch work strengthing the weakest zones... but I want to run away everyday- yet I don't. I sit thru the most heavy , stressful, uncomfortable moments- not just my sickly husband - but my elderly mother with her nasty hip and a most evil disposition. I tried showing up but the emotional abuse- I just shut down. This past week mom got a hip replacement- it was the first time I joined my sister in the city to support our mom in her updated version of self since july. Healing rehabilative Prayers to mom - More prayers to charlie - although the chemo seems to be doing the opposite of what it usually does. There is an appetite, a sense of betterment, weight gain and a healthy gate?!! Huh? The Dr.'s dont get it - one for the books. Just for today I rest in the things that make me happy. Standing barefoot next to my trees in our back yard- painting or practicing yang24 - making a pilates class in the middle of my day- or helping customers figure out their branding options & logo design. I don't have to worry about death - but I do. We all shed this shell at some point - I remind myself we r all connected and we r all eternal. I think about the many blessings that have touched my life and am forever greatful to the magical strawberry moments - like flower bud shells that resemble little bats and mysterious pebbles like crosses and x's that r my petrified tears - 100,000 eternal years beyond time - my spirit here - wrapped cozy in the cotton covers toe 2 toe - u never know - one moment to the next - life is a gift - maybe I talk about the past because I like to remember how I learned to navigate the city - I like to think I'm like Wendy from Peter Pan- but my heart is filled - like sand in a hour glass we flip it over to flow again