The TO DO List...... en

 everyone has an idea for themself- what life is

what death is-

how many times I try to tell my mom how she should be doing her life- meanwhile, she has life under wing in experiences I will never be aware of as I am NOT HER, OBVIOUSLY.... but she is not me

My father left us when I was 3yrs old. How should she understand my perspectives on life when her parents remained married - until first gramps died and then some 20 yrs later , grandma died.

What gives some a deeper perspective may NOT for another. Who's to say?! NOT ME.

I know how I felt after watching the Tibetan Book of the Dead Documentary, and what experience I had when my father died. How I was treated in the room, as his body rest in peace still warm, waiting for us to say our goodbyes , so they could put him into the human drawer awaiting the nexxt steps of the final unpacking of his suitcase officially evicting my fathers soul from his physical shell. My perspective may have been too heavy for them, or offensive, or straight up corny. I don't really care , I just know how he visited me & how I decided to share it- as I whispered to Dad, "No. I'd rather not , they will think I'm making this up!" and sure enough- that's how it happened. I followed my fathers request - that was what I could do for him. They looked at me like "UR Nuts".....

NO ONE POINT OF VIEW IS BETTER OR "MORE CORRECT" THEN THE OTHER.

Each person has a right to believe what they want, what they are capable, what they experience... as I type this it feels like I have to give myself permission- like SIGN HERE, you consent. YES I DO> while most do not even have a perception or a "take" on such things. EYES WIDE SHUT>

Coming into a new chapter of end of life lawyers , the potential family collisions- the potential Family healing - why not include or project a positive here.... it's not death that I fear , it's the family drama that may occur from joining up the loose ends. My mother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer , as this rides parallel with my husband's on going fight for his life with bone cancer. At this point I don't even know which way to turn, Left or Right Or maybe just go straight ahead. I said to my brother, let;s get a lawyer to be the executor of moms estate.... you could see the text "writting" and stopping etc etc..... thus I got nothing- so at this point I can't say what he thinks of that. And how to interpret that is pointless. I got nothing, I want nothing, And I really want for absolutely nothing. I hate conflict of any sort, and it would not be the first one amongst sibling conflict- as once upon a time back in cali, very many years ago- the idea of someone speaking there perspective- I got bulldozed and cancelled leaving the last few days of that visit smelling like dead fish had died and no one was about to clean it up. My mother even abandoned me on that particular situation, not the first time either......- so you maybe able to see why I fear this entire masterpiece. But isn;t that the school of life for ya? No one can do my homework for me- so I just will trudge along, just want to be done with all of it. Call the lawyer- get the accounts settled and the decisions made. Let's get on with life after death- death after life........whatever- because truly how much are we truly living when you just sit on your phone all day scrolling and trolling- My time is sacred, I go to work, I take care of my responsibilities, and I am in love with my hobbies.... there's little time for little things. And conflict is not on my to do list, That's for sure.

Knowing my loved ones that have passed on from this particular plane of "life" are still with us-

we just forgot how to "see them", and if one cares to, just quiet yourself and LISTEN. Our beloved ones that have passed over are here with us, in us , all around us.