DEATH DATE OF A FRIEND

Got a 2 week notice that this new bldg. owner wants most of our shop space to put some kind of spray booth in? HUH , WHAt?!!! In a way it feels like a death date set for our beloved family owned and run shop for over 25+years in this location- Always struggling with the reality of my husbands cancer- eventhough it has been "cured".... Reminds me of my friend Kidon, weeks after he was declared cured- he passed away from this plain. None of it feels fair, said the spoiled old lady that is set in her ways. I day dream every damn day of specific "other" lifes I could have lived- that I may be living in some odd parallel universe- but We are the choices we make and at this very moment- marinating in all of the unknowns .... all that there is to fear is fear itself, Thought the old scared wise woman with four grown children and a cured husband. To know I do not know what I do not know. DO I want this new land lord to disappear- I sure do- Is she absolutely mobster ridiculous the way she comes around here- swinging her arms and pointing at all she is going to do and take away from us... and all she really has done is ZERO_ ZILTCH NADDA- she has a bunch of minions that come around and do a half ass job at that- it feels like magic and all I ask of the guardians is make it right. Perhaps for unknown reasons it is time to change this up. Where do we go from here> only the universe knows. I wish no ill will on any of it... don;t even know who we are dealing with- don;t want any trouble- BUT ARE WE EVEN ZONED FOR A SPRAY BOOTH STEPS AWAY FROM THE HIGHSCHOOL BASEBALL FEILD... HEY JANE BONNER WHERE ARE YOU... U USED TO COME UP AND DOWN RT.347 RAISING CANE... The town of Crookhaven - is someone in someones pocket... can I ask the guardians to cockblock this BULLSHIT> no why would I- let things happen naturally. That's the law of the universe. Let it happen naturally. Feel the pain, let it rise up in the well- because we are not the pain - we are not the feelings. Can you let it go? WIll you let it go? Let it go. Let it go, let it go. Aug 2 & Aug 4 will always be marked out in my heart- eventhough I found out about Kidon on the fourth of august. I will never forget the morning of the 4th., it's clear as a bell. Hair and scalp still filled with sand from the ocean- we spent this month with our father. He lived on 64 brattle st. Cambridge- tiny little apt. sweet as sweet could be. Larry bird, my dads cockatiel was awake and the phone rang really early - none of us were awake yet- I want to say it was around 9 am. But anyway, it was Kidon's grandma telling me about Kidon. Not sure how to feel about anything except numb all around... All around everything changes.Family dynamics change, business location changes, or ends, relationships change & continue- health changes and we continue or we end... but isn't an ending only another begining.. so cliche blah blah blah, yada yadda yadaH.... let it go LET IT GO... watch the string slip from my fingers as the balloon floats softly up to the sky- the heavens smile upon me- there is a plan- what it is I do not know but in the end- it will be what it will be.

Anatomy of a Hoax

HOAX -PRESS ON THAT WORD- Makes me think of a person with a mask- or the fox wearing sheep skin in the field of sheeps- Someone that has several different intonations when they speak- do they know who they are? What I mean is, she'll speak down south like, then she'll speak homeboy like, then she'll speak regular whatever that sounds like- Listen to her speak - maybe she's just tweeking her personality to "fit" in where ever she is at the time. When I hear her speaking- she speaks in 360degree circles - and for this dyslexic mind- I am waiting for the point, the conclusion - the end of the sentence. Perhaps this person refuses to do their homework- blaming everyone in their midst to make it "NORMAL FOR A WIDE BERTH" ? Creating an Untouchable vibe- how does one in a the political arena get away with this type of mannerism. I am not feeling this person, is it obvious yet- but more then that- I am just not feeling the process here either. Isnt; there some sort of process that is not being adhered to? WHAT IS THE PROCESS>? HELP ME UNDERSTAND THE DEMOCCRAZY HERE> It's not feeling proper. Is it just me? Nothing is proper about me SO- there's that. I see IT cuz I am it? MAkes me wonder sometimes. I do believe in change- or conformity>? I have experienced the whole verbal swing- like when my moms friends from england came for a week and then found myself speaking in the same intonation- but whatever.... I would like to understand the process of stepping into the elections of becoming a President and found something on .gov listed below. I guess the human nature is competitive, selfish and a bit of a masquerade? Or is that the just for politrickin' and Hollywoodick'in'..... Also heard about her climb up the ladder- fact check it for yourself- she was the other woman for a long time...even if the marriage was estranged- but Hey, everyone's used to the mistress that's alot younger: 29 to be exact- Go ol' Willie Brown was than 60 & MArried- oh!- but WAIT- he was seperated.- Later to stand next to his wife, Blanche while she held a bible as he got sworn in at the 1996 inauguration. Good Ol' Wille Brown known for his 'succession' of beautiful women despite having been married for decades. No wonder then that Clinton once dubbed Brown 'the real Slick Willy.' It takes one to know one, I guess. All these willies are slick, the entire government and hollywood for that matter- a bunch of epstein islanders. WHERE'S THE PROCESS HERE? https://www.usa.gov/PRESIDENTIAL-ELECTION-PROCESS

UNCOMFORTABLE

It's uncomfortable when you are in the circle but not of the circle, and even more uncomfortable to be excluded via eye contact in the circle of sharing. STanding in a group, listening eagerly- I hear and listen- why are "they" included via eye contact by the story teller but somehow I am not? or is it in my misperception-? There is no misperception when eye contact is not happening- especially when the others have it, are included in it & of it. I try to hold my strength because I am interested in the share, I try not to become sad inside-ignoring my feelings of exclusion- I continue to listen- & Authentically- in honest timing- when it is "MY" questions that show the interest and connectedness _ do I get the eye contact, Funny! Funny, mostly because the others don't have any questions at all. Stand strong within because it is in the shallow that my eyes are the deep end of the swimming pool. In all of my sem (as the tibetan's would call it - small mind) - I had a moment of Sem and entered rikpa-(spaciousness, quiet)- and then I had this idea that maybe it isn't about me at all. That perhaps I am so subliminally hyper indulgent it is disruptive and maybe even alittle inauthentic?!?L like a woman with too much make up- sometimes it comes off as offensive- perhaps I am just too much for some and this creates the need for boundaries - thus the no eye contact? maybe...Huh! who woulda thunk it... ya never know, maybe I do it to myself..... let me lozenger upon this... I'll get back to you. Talk about an uncomfortable realization. I will never actually know- and in that reality- it's time to learn to change this type of inner chatter- some things are just none of my business... how to remain true to myself- without living in edit mode.Now that's gonna take some time.... I'll ask my guardian angels to enlighten me.

Serge Gainsbourg Brigitte Bardot Bonnie Clyde Music V

Taking care of MOM

WOuldn't you know I got parking right in front of my brothers childhood best friend Kep.R. Good thru thursday- just the amount of time I need- Mom gets her cataracts removed tmw- I think she's nervous- I would be too- I thank the guardians in advance for making things like this flow smooth- pray for smooth transitions! I also thank the guardians from saving me from a flipping heart attack/ high blood pressure or some shit ~ To think I was visiting the endo this time last week- greatful that stupid RYZE mushroom coffee didn't kill me- but the compounded issue that my husband handed me a mucinex with D - thinking it was like zinc- something natural- had no clue- and throw that in with the RYZE & thus compounded yet again with an antibiotic on top of all of that- I was practically having a heart attack- Five days straight of high blood pressure- insane asylum type of panic- that nothing but visceral crying could only level me into a sort of exhausted slumber- when I could eat I felt like a lost person wondering thru the desert whom hadn't eaten for an eternity- starving - emaciated ` no way to bring my heart beat around to any kind of normal.... I was beginning to think I was never going to feel real life ever again- I am so careless to not understand what I am putting into my body. WOW- read the labels is all I am saying. I will never make this mistake again- I am going on day 4 back to back no episodes. So excited. Thank YOu angels for looking out for ME & My Mom.

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