recently been taking care of my mom alot.
she came home from visiting her latest grandbaby- u know how it is traveling.... we get sick- especially in this day & age-
not to mention - she quit smoking cold turkey- after all these years= so her extra protective"coating"was removed-
Mom came home with an awful croup cough- a week later it turned into a sinus infection. ALl of it just made my mom depressed. I do not blame her. Quitting smoking or anything cold turkey can be dangerous on the body. So many layers to the onion.
My cousin Robin passed away from quitting alcohol one too many times cold turkey. That is what the Dr.s said.
Anyway- getting back to the visit- we all age- To age gracefully is an art.
It's beautifully painful, cuz the inevitable also brings forth the reality of absence
even if it has yet to come ~ as hard as it is to face, funny how in the beginning of the visit my compassionate perspective is all yielding-
and as the days pass- my character is in the hot yoga of effort - maintaining the stance I arrived with has suddenly melted away. The Seven dwarfs appear to me as I become all of them - intermittently.
To be in the presence of a small child or an elderly relative- the patience comes like puffy white clouds- as they block the heat of the sun- moments seem more managable in the shade- resting brings pause- and a natural reset occurs.
What is it about patience with a perfect stranger paralleled with the closeness of a family member - the almost fakeNESS
To just be "yourself" a true jerk- why does it feel so good? Selfless selfishness- our son Luke brought home a great pharse from one of his college courses- he called it "Psychological egoism".
Look that one up. WOW- self inventory- happens or not. Depends what type of person is reflecting- i do believe alot of people don't do that- me i am constantly falling down the rabbit hole. I am aware it is a problem for me.
Anticipating the darkness is an absolute waste of time, as is too much self reflection. But I am grateful that I get to or I CHOOSE to be the one there for my mom, doing it wether I want to or not- that is just it- u have to suite up and show up- but sometimes I forget to put my turtle shell on- hypersensitive- I cry on the drive into the city and on my way home.
Anticipating the darkness is an absolute waste of time.
ALot of the times these daze- I would be totally fine to be free from the human condition.
The spirit goes back up into the everlasting energy that is all of us.individually but also as a whole.
Taking care of my mom, I get to spend precious time with her- even if it's alittle frustarting - the noticable changes in her recall ability-
mistaking babysitting for baby sitters- no mom- we babysat them- they did not babysit US- we r the older ones.... mom struggles with this as she asks every time I visit.
o it is what it is.... she's going thru changes- which makes me go thru changes- adjustments- the art of sadness can come with a tearful smile- but mostly I would like to be done with all of it... but luckily this too shall pass- and An elderly Dr. once told me that low iron dictates melancholia.
