THIS IS WHERE I GO MOST EVERYDAY

https://all70sallday.com/listen/

DReams

The way they stick with you all day. WHen I was a teeneager- there was this one kid in the neighborhood - Adam. Whenever we saw eachother walking down the street- in opposite directions- we would share smiles. Then one day, walking up the stairs at my new school- he was exiting the cafeteria in his plaid pants & combat boots. OH MAN> WhaT- we were now at the same school!!!??? I didn't want to show my true feelings of exhiliration- but the mutual smiles exchanged said it all. ALl that is real life... and in real life, we did end up finally getting to know eachother in the Summer of '86- we shared a common story- divorced family life, our fathers in theater,etc... we also shared a few friends ,after all we were neighbors- it seemed odd that we never ended up in the same circle- but didn't matter much because the seperation of 6 degrees kept our common discussion green and fun. The night before last- My dreams were so bizarre- Nadia and Cey were there too, alongside Adam. They were the 3 amigos, coming to visit- A somewhat strained and unsure tone. After all my melancholia & depression from my husband's death had stripped me of any joy or expectations. This was the first time I was allowing anyone to visit- let alone my art room - want to say studio - checking out my art- which felt awkwardly exposed. My studio felt more like a bunch of shelves with a ton of of tchotchkes and paints collecting dust- very limited in my actual work. IN my mind- "NOT much to see here"! There was some small talk. Nadia had always been so territorial over her friendship with Adam - somewhat close to - "A relationship" with "jealousy" would feel like, rather then just a friendship- which had been noted for: even in wikipedia -HUH? But this is all apparently riding in my psyche.... Nadi was being much nicer to me then the last time I saw her - and truly was surprised they had reached out to come over. I kept close to my cloak & dagger, as I am never too sure where Nadia's toes are- and never want to step too close, and as far as Adam - didn't really want him to know the feelings were still alive in a dim light- cuz in my dream - we were both widows- and truly still drowning in the loss. I wondered if Cey & Nadia were using my "art work" as a way to meet with old friends- and perhaps a shared loss of husband and wife? I had left the main studio to answer the phone- and when I returned they were exiting the curtained room- And had to go. I felt like I missed something but kept my expectations low from the very beginning- I was so unsure what this was all about. Nadia was very nice and reminiscing about her late and great brother and how much he loved me. We all said our goodbyes. When they left , I went into the curtained area - I had not been in there since before my husband passed. All the cobwebs and forgotten Canvas- with my art works half finished- and I felt like a ghost visiting my memories - There were two individual pieces that were complete and left for forgotten. I was alittle bit relieved that there was actually something of promise - that after all Cey, the artist, himself, wouldn't think I was just some paint collecting imposter. LAter my cell phone rang- It was Cey and Adam- they wanted to come back soon- said Nadia wouldn't be able to make it but they definately wanted to make a firm date to not only comeback but to hang out. with me? Really!? whaT! I was thrilled , felt like a collab was in my soul. Werid how dreams float you thru the day....

de ill U shun elle

that is me. de ill U shun elle- ask my brother , ask my mother- maybe even my sister might agree. the memories I have as a child - the feelings that I experienced beyond my control as a really little girl; are what they are- technicolor. they have roots in my perception- I feel like I have a photographic memory- and that is what helps my recall occur/ attached to MY past. SO NOT concerned if it doesn't jibe to ur recall, cuz' you never seem to have one anyway- so really wtf does it matter- call me arrogant. Is it my fault I reminisce? if you don;t have a memory about our past- then how can u shut mine down ? not my mother, my step father , or my brother ever seem to embrace this part of me, they go harden/ draw blanks- reject and shun with silent - eye avoidance. In the entire picture of things how could any one understand if they personally did not experience it for themself? Like my mom's dad never left his wife - her entire life,till death they parted. SO how the heck would my mom even understand my perceptions as a little girl- my dad split when I was 3. Just as I would not know what it felt like to be my mom- a woman in her then twenties- when her husband, my dad, split. I am still married after 33 yrs, and it's been a rollercoaster ride- it's over then its back then its just friends- then it's Family- it's life, how shit goes down. To Each their own. The family is supposed to be a clan.... our's as awesome as it can be sometimes- is entirely splintered. That is a fact, and it is my very honesty that gets me in trouble every time. Honesty is my truth. MY TRUTH- maybe not yours. You know the classic cliche- everyone was in the auditorium listening to the one speaker- and everyone comes out to discuss what each one heard- and oddly enough it was very different from one another. I am not here to shut down anyone's memories. Nor would I ever try to compete for them either... we are all individuals with seperate and diverse angles. When does the child have permission to be a child , when the parent never wants to be the parent? FUcking bizarre. Beyond shunnning. I am shunned over and over again when I share my memories. I am really struggling with this inside the family dynamic. To the point where- personal death or never seeing any of them again would be ok with me.( that is this writting in dramatic vomitting at this moment- for I do know it is not my true feelings. just a storm of revulsion that is ridding it's very toxins from my rejected cells.) AND GUESS WHAT THIS TOO SHALL PASS> FK YOU BITCHEs.. just for this moment. and then the moment is gone, how every time I forget their lack of moral support-Life is good- love is present- I am blindly reminded - the fog evaporates from the rose colored lense. BLACK AND WHITE> just like the thumbs down emoji's my brother seems to be using as his voice- cuz most recently he is so eloquently unavailable. like water on duck's feathers. roll over, roll off,- but never drown in your own vomit

.

DEATH DATE OF A FRIEND

Got a 2 week notice that this new bldg. owner wants most of our shop space to put some kind of spray booth in? HUH , WHAt?!!! In a way it feels like a death date set for our beloved family owned and run shop for over 25+years in this location- Always struggling with the reality of my husbands cancer- eventhough it has been "cured".... Reminds me of my friend Kidon, weeks after he was declared cured- he passed away from this plain. None of it feels fair, said the spoiled old lady that is set in her ways. I day dream every damn day of specific "other" lifes I could have lived- that I may be living in some odd parallel universe- but We are the choices we make and at this very moment- marinating in all of the unknowns .... all that there is to fear is fear itself, Thought the old scared wise woman with four grown children and a cured husband. To know I do not know what I do not know. DO I want this new land lord to disappear- I sure do- Is she absolutely mobster ridiculous the way she comes around here- swinging her arms and pointing at all she is going to do and take away from us... and all she really has done is ZERO_ ZILTCH NADDA- she has a bunch of minions that come around and do a half ass job at that- it feels like magic and all I ask of the guardians is make it right. Perhaps for unknown reasons it is time to change this up. Where do we go from here> only the universe knows. I wish no ill will on any of it... don;t even know who we are dealing with- don;t want any trouble- BUT ARE WE EVEN ZONED FOR A SPRAY BOOTH STEPS AWAY FROM THE HIGHSCHOOL BASEBALL FEILD... HEY JANE BONNER WHERE ARE YOU... U USED TO COME UP AND DOWN RT.347 RAISING CANE... The town of Crookhaven - is someone in someones pocket... can I ask the guardians to cockblock this BULLSHIT> no why would I- let things happen naturally. That's the law of the universe. Let it happen naturally. Feel the pain, let it rise up in the well- because we are not the pain - we are not the feelings. Can you let it go? WIll you let it go? Let it go. Let it go, let it go. Aug 2 & Aug 4 will always be marked out in my heart- eventhough I found out about Kidon on the fourth of august. I will never forget the morning of the 4th., it's clear as a bell. Hair and scalp still filled with sand from the ocean- we spent this month with our father. He lived on 64 brattle st. Cambridge- tiny little apt. sweet as sweet could be. Larry bird, my dads cockatiel was awake and the phone rang really early - none of us were awake yet- I want to say it was around 9 am. But anyway, it was Kidon's grandma telling me about Kidon. Not sure how to feel about anything except numb all around... All around everything changes.Family dynamics change, business location changes, or ends, relationships change & continue- health changes and we continue or we end... but isn't an ending only another begining.. so cliche blah blah blah, yada yadda yadaH.... let it go LET IT GO... watch the string slip from my fingers as the balloon floats softly up to the sky- the heavens smile upon me- there is a plan- what it is I do not know but in the end- it will be what it will be.

Anatomy of a Hoax

HOAX -PRESS ON THAT WORD- Makes me think of a person with a mask- or the fox wearing sheep skin in the field of sheeps- Someone that has several different intonations when they speak- do they know who they are? What I mean is, she'll speak down south like, then she'll speak homeboy like, then she'll speak regular whatever that sounds like- Listen to her speak - maybe she's just tweeking her personality to "fit" in where ever she is at the time. When I hear her speaking- she speaks in 360degree circles - and for this dyslexic mind- I am waiting for the point, the conclusion - the end of the sentence. Perhaps this person refuses to do their homework- blaming everyone in their midst to make it "NORMAL FOR A WIDE BERTH" ? Creating an Untouchable vibe- how does one in a the political arena get away with this type of mannerism. I am not feeling this person, is it obvious yet- but more then that- I am just not feeling the process here either. Isnt; there some sort of process that is not being adhered to? WHAT IS THE PROCESS>? HELP ME UNDERSTAND THE DEMOCCRAZY HERE> It's not feeling proper. Is it just me? Nothing is proper about me SO- there's that. I see IT cuz I am it? MAkes me wonder sometimes. I do believe in change- or conformity>? I have experienced the whole verbal swing- like when my moms friends from england came for a week and then found myself speaking in the same intonation- but whatever.... I would like to understand the process of stepping into the elections of becoming a President and found something on .gov listed below. I guess the human nature is competitive, selfish and a bit of a masquerade? Or is that the just for politrickin' and Hollywoodick'in'..... Also heard about her climb up the ladder- fact check it for yourself- she was the other woman for a long time...even if the marriage was estranged- but Hey, everyone's used to the mistress that's alot younger: 29 to be exact- Go ol' Willie Brown was than 60 & MArried- oh!- but WAIT- he was seperated.- Later to stand next to his wife, Blanche while she held a bible as he got sworn in at the 1996 inauguration. Good Ol' Wille Brown known for his 'succession' of beautiful women despite having been married for decades. No wonder then that Clinton once dubbed Brown 'the real Slick Willy.' It takes one to know one, I guess. All these willies are slick, the entire government and hollywood for that matter- a bunch of epstein islanders. WHERE'S THE PROCESS HERE? https://www.usa.gov/PRESIDENTIAL-ELECTION-PROCESS

UNCOMFORTABLE

It's uncomfortable when you are in the circle but not of the circle, and even more uncomfortable to be excluded via eye contact in the circle of sharing. STanding in a group, listening eagerly- I hear and listen- why are "they" included via eye contact by the story teller but somehow I am not? or is it in my misperception-? There is no misperception when eye contact is not happening- especially when the others have it, are included in it & of it. I try to hold my strength because I am interested in the share, I try not to become sad inside-ignoring my feelings of exclusion- I continue to listen- & Authentically- in honest timing- when it is "MY" questions that show the interest and connectedness _ do I get the eye contact, Funny! Funny, mostly because the others don't have any questions at all. Stand strong within because it is in the shallow that my eyes are the deep end of the swimming pool. In all of my sem (as the tibetan's would call it - small mind) - I had a moment of Sem and entered rikpa-(spaciousness, quiet)- and then I had this idea that maybe it isn't about me at all. That perhaps I am so subliminally hyper indulgent it is disruptive and maybe even alittle inauthentic?!?L like a woman with too much make up- sometimes it comes off as offensive- perhaps I am just too much for some and this creates the need for boundaries - thus the no eye contact? maybe...Huh! who woulda thunk it... ya never know, maybe I do it to myself..... let me lozenger upon this... I'll get back to you. Talk about an uncomfortable realization. I will never actually know- and in that reality- it's time to learn to change this type of inner chatter- some things are just none of my business... how to remain true to myself- without living in edit mode.Now that's gonna take some time.... I'll ask my guardian angels to enlighten me.

Serge Gainsbourg Brigitte Bardot Bonnie Clyde Music V

Taking care of MOM

WOuldn't you know I got parking right in front of my brothers childhood best friend Kep.R. Good thru thursday- just the amount of time I need- Mom gets her cataracts removed tmw- I think she's nervous- I would be too- I thank the guardians in advance for making things like this flow smooth- pray for smooth transitions! I also thank the guardians from saving me from a flipping heart attack/ high blood pressure or some shit ~ To think I was visiting the endo this time last week- greatful that stupid RYZE mushroom coffee didn't kill me- but the compounded issue that my husband handed me a mucinex with D - thinking it was like zinc- something natural- had no clue- and throw that in with the RYZE & thus compounded yet again with an antibiotic on top of all of that- I was practically having a heart attack- Five days straight of high blood pressure- insane asylum type of panic- that nothing but visceral crying could only level me into a sort of exhausted slumber- when I could eat I felt like a lost person wondering thru the desert whom hadn't eaten for an eternity- starving - emaciated ` no way to bring my heart beat around to any kind of normal.... I was beginning to think I was never going to feel real life ever again- I am so careless to not understand what I am putting into my body. WOW- read the labels is all I am saying. I will never make this mistake again- I am going on day 4 back to back no episodes. So excited. Thank YOu angels for looking out for ME & My Mom.

422

xoox

p.s.

eYe2mylorD

MIsaligned- emotionally and physically......

Feb 6, I leaned to one knee - OMG-the warmth , the pain that eminated from behind the left knee cap- I thought for sure I broke a blood vessel. Literally lasted 5 minutes straight. Like no other pain- but mysteriously - there was no bruising- but one tiny vein seemed far more turquiose then all the rest- there was very little swelling but there was no denying that this weird sensation was linked to the knee cap and directly to the outside of the knee- behind the knee as well was pain- persistent until i put it up- I iced it etc - took half a prednisone and went to sleep . The next day I wore a sock for support- cut the toe and heel out- perfect support-like two weeks later, I went to see a vein Dr. ....nope my veins are draculicious- A week later I Went to the ortho- knee dr- duh- and sure enough my knee cap is gliding off track to the left by millimeters- he said it was "patellar femoral syndrome" when muscles are stronger on the outside and needed stregthening on the inside of the leg- I followed thru for once - PT and lowered a level at Pilates- doing much better- so the age thing- well whatever that is- I don't really want to acknowledge it- but its "there"- truly understand that repetitive movements in a revolving door type of exercise arena- what would one expect- however, if the teachers are trained to look for misalignment- some people don;t take well to instruction- I was raised on it- You got it from the ballet teachers wether you liked it or not. I look for it- I had no idea my brain was shutting off cause it already understood the misalignment was occuring so I began over compenstating and stopped enaging all of my quad Not just part of it. I am confused by the lack of connection I felt from the PT peoples- as well as some of the pilates teachers- I know they are just doing their job- but connection in the manner of a better explaination of the muscles and how they need to activate and how -I only thought of this after I read the article- but going into the whole experience back in Feb -Only now am I connecting the DOTS- because of my disiullusionment with still not feeling better- I am very good at slow- not just in my thinking - in my movement- in my waiting- in my ways- Turtle pace wins the race- the lack of understanding where exactly my knee was not acitivating- SO NOW I KNOW alittle bit better, I think, thanks to this ARTICLE THAT TRULY HELPED ME CONNECT THE DOTS! Pilates , ummm it sadens me to not be able to do the every day visit- but I am just not that person anymore and I rather keep going 3 times a week then not at all. But tell my spirit this- Truly feeling depressed- my spirit whispers to me- there are so many more things to do to keep fit beyond Club Pilates. But I love it so much. :( slow and steady is my pace. slow an steady keeps a smile upon my face. but the way I am such a shut in is a true disgrace. I do so love isolating in place - all around me- like a whale deep down in a watery space. MY dad had water on the knee all the time- the apple and the tree line. What is the VMO? The VMO or Vastus Medialis Oblique is part of the Vastus Medialis Muscle. There is debate among anatomists as to whether the VMO is an independent muscle or part of the Vastus Medialis. The Vastus Medialis is 1 of the 4 muscles that make up the Quadriceps. The quadriceps are the muscles in the front of the thigh that straighten the knee. The muscles come together at the quad tendon, which attaches to the patella or knee cap.

The 4 muscles that make up the Quadriceps are: Vastus Medialis Vastus Lateralis Vastus Intermedius Rectus Femoris Anatomical diagram of the VMO or vastus medialis oblique with arrows and labels to the components of the quadriceps VMO Anatomy The VMO is the lower part of the Vastus Medialis that runs in an oblique direction toward the knee cap.

What Happens When the VMO is Weak? Weakness or decreased activity of the VMO can lead to abnormal tracking of the patella at the knee. When the quadriceps fire properly and in the correct sequence, the patella is balanced in the middle of the groove where is sits at the end of the femur at the knee. This allows the knee cap to glide easily up and down as the knee straightens and bends. When the VMO is weak, the other quadriceps muscles pull the knee cap to the outside part of the groove. This can lead to rubbing and excess wear and tear of the joint surfaces in the outside or lateral patellofemoral joint region. What Makes the VMO Weak? The VMO gets weak when it does not activate as much. This tends to happen when there is pain or swelling in the knee. Swelling inside the knee joint capsule can cause the brain to stop normal muscle activation in the quadriceps. This can affect the order or sequence that the 4 muscles of the quadriceps contract or fire. This leads to weakness and atrophy of the VMO. How Do You Make the VMO strong? The VMO can become stronger with specific VMO strength exercises. It typically takes awareness and isometric exercises to activate it. Can You Isolate the VMO for Strength Training? This topic has had much debate, but It is not possible to isolate just the VMO. The brain also send a message to the rest of the muscles to contract. There are ways to make the VMO fire better and more efficiently when tightening the quadriceps. This includes: Manual Biofeedback - Place a finger on the VMO and try to make sure the muscle feels firm while contracting. Electrical Biofeedback - Electrical Biofeedback is a machine that detects the electrical activity in the muscle and allows the user to tighten harder to increase the signal detected. There are usually lights or sounds that respond the the muscle activity. Electrical Stimulation - Electrical Stimulation uses an electrical impulse to stimulate the muscle to contract. This is not a replacement for the normal self activated contraction but it provides sensory input to the brain to be more aware and efficient with VMO contractions. Will VMO Strength Exercises Fix Knee Pain? Increasing the activity of the VMO can help fix knee pain in many cases. The VMO can help to balance the position of the knee cap and normalize movement and mechanics in the knee. The VMO is not the only cause for lateral patellofemoral pain though. Other causes include: Excessive Knock-kneed position (Genu Valgum) Weakness in the Gluteus Medius IT Band Syndrome/Tightness Both of the these issue alter the normal mechanics of the patellofemoral joint and can contribute to knee pain and dysfunction. Image of a patient with a weak Left gluteus medius and Trendelenberg pattern or dropped pelvis on the RWeak Gluteus Medius Strengthening the Gluteus Medius can help to manage some types of knee pain. Click to learn how to learn the 4 Best Glute Home Exercises. VMO Strength Exercises VMO strength exercises are used with most knee physical therapy programs. The VMO is an important part of balancing movement of the knee cap. Most people with knee pain have some weakness in the VMO. But isolating the VMO for strength training is tough. Top 3 VMO Strength Exercises 1. Quad Sets - With the knee extended, contract the muscles in the front of the thigh as tightly as possible. Hold 10 seconds, 10 X. Image of quad contraction with label showing VMO with Quad set 2. Straight Leg Raises - Lying on your back with the leg straight and the opposite leg bent, tighten the thigh and lift the straight leg about 12 inches off the surface. Hold 3 seconds, repeat 10 x 2 sets. image of a man lying supine on elbows doing a right straight leg raise for vmo strength exercises 3. Squat - Stand near a support surface and slowly bend the hips and knee into a squat position. Make sure the quadriceps are tightened through the exercises. Keep the knees behind the toes and keep the knees apart. Do not push through pain. repeat 10 x for 2 sets. MAn performing a squat with proper technique with side view and labels showing knee position and back curvatureSquat (Side View) Read Here to learn more about Proper Squat Technique. The Quads Quadricep in Latin means 4 heads. The quads are 4 long muscles on the front of your leg that extend your knee. They all come together to form a common tendon that attaches and encompasses the knee cap (the patellar tendon). So if you have any pain in the front of your knee, or around your knee cap the culprit is probably a tight quad. Most sports overuse the quadriceps, particularly the lateral quadriceps. Running, dance, biking (if you aren't maintaining proper knee alignment pointing over the middle toe), and any high impact sports that involve the legs tend to overuse the lateral quadricep and underuse the medial quadricep. The exceptions are yoga, a good Pilates or Barre class (one that keeps the legs in parallel rather than in turn-out), swimming, ice skating, horseback riding. Knee pain, particularly lateral knee pain can be due to the imbalance of the lateral v. medial quadriceps. VMO: Vastus Medialis Obliquus New research shows that working the quadriceps as a group with the hip in proper alignment is more effective than focusing on the VMO in isolation. The medial quadricep is responsible for pulling the knee cap medially at the end range of knee extension. Because many sports use the legs without fully straightening the knee, the medial quadricep may become atrophied or underutilized and basically "turn off". VMO is an acronym for the vastus medialis obliquus which is the small oblique fibers of the medial quadricep that are right above the knee cap. These fibers are particularly responsible for pulling the knee cap medially at end range of extension and maintaining proper "patellar tracking". There are many medical terms for the imbalance of the quad group; patellar femoral syndrome, patellar tracking problems, etc. IT band syndrome is another diagnosis that also causes lateral knee pain (see below for more info about the IT band). All of these issues are due to the imbalance of the lateral and medial muscles of the knee. Releasing the lateral quad (and the IT Band) followed by strengthening the quads, allowing all 4 quads to fire in balance. The IT Band The iliotibial band emerges from the Tensor Fascia Lata (TFL) in the front of the hip and the gluteus maximus in the back. It forms a long, connective tissue band that acts as a lateral stabilizer of the knee and hip. When it becomes too tight and overused it can create inflammation and pain in the lateral knee. Thus "IT Band Syndrome". IT Band compensates for a Weak Gluteus Medius Often the root of IT Band overuse is that the IT Band compensates for a weak gluteus medius. The gluteus medius is also a lateral stabilizer of the hip and holds the pelvis level while standing one foot, (or walking). If the gluteus medius "turns off" the IT Band does the work of the gluteus medius, but over time the IT Band will shorten and get cranky from overuse. So part of the rehabilitation process should be strengthening the gluteus medius. There are many ways to do this, but I have chosen Single Leg Bridge since it mimics gait. When in Doubt, Roll it Out! The more tight it is the more it will hurt. Again, like childbirth, you need to look pain straight in the eye and go into it. It’s the only way out! Don't Cry Rolling out your IT band can be very painful. Use a soft roller (MELT roller). I prefer these rollers for myofascial release. Start by rolling slowly up and down the lateral thigh going all the way from the top of the hip to right above the knee joint. Never roll over a bone. Next, add "cross fiber" release by rolling your thigh side to side slowly as you roll up and down. You want to do a 3-dimensional release to get at the "web-like" structure of the fascia. If you can handle it, try also bending and straightening the knee while you roll up and down. This is a killer!

There are 3 main trigger points on the IT band. In Chinese medicine, this is Gall Bladder Channel or GB for short. You want to focus on GB 31, 32, and particularly GB 33 if you have lateral knee pain and IT Band Syndrome. GB 33 will be excruciating if you are suffering from IT Band overuse. But as they say, no pain no gain. If it doesn't hurt you haven't found the trigger point! Lateral and Patellar Knee Pain Strategy Release/Roll out your Quads, Roll out your IT Band Strengthen VMO and hamstrings. Exercises VMO End Range Knee Extension 1: Lie on your back with your knee over the roller, allowing the knee to be bent, heel on the floor. Straighten your leg, thinking of pulling the knee cap to the inside of your thigh. Flexing your foot can help. Repeat 10-20 times, twice a day. VMO Straight-Leg Raise in Turn-Out: Turn out leg and lift up a few inches, keeping knee straight. Repeat 10-20 times, twice a day. Footwork Sleeper (Side Lying Footwork) Single Leg Bridge on mat, reformer, yoga block combo Bridge with feet together Leg Springs first on thighs, on Reformer or Springboard/Cadillac in parallel (use ball between ankles) keeping knees soft, also work external rotation. Squats, Side Splits on Reformer with light spring/ heavy spring

Pink Floyd - Echoes (Official Audio) no one speaks

xoox

xppx

PARDON THE PARTON

\ UGH- WHY.why?why.!? One question to the Queen Bee- have some humility- do a cover, yeh ok- but stop trying to be Country Music's Newest thing- just be yourself. IN MY OPINION- AND THIS IS ALL IT IS: OPINION EVERYONE HAS ONE- EVEN IF ITS HIDDEN - WHY- try so hard to do something that has been going on forever- do it your way and do it from your heart - she makes me feel as if it's all about the accolades....her husband too- like they are entitled and have to ask for the love- did not even give us time to just let it sink in naturally -on the radio.... the way a seed sews itself. NOPE- JUST ANOTHER greedy move TO A FAKE ASS pop star- OP POR TUN IS TIC BEEYONCSAY op·por·tun·is·tic LACK OF CREATIVITY- BEYONCE- UR NO COWGIRL. COWGIRLS' DONT RIDE HORSES IN HEELS- ur video is not even authentic.wtf. LIKE PARTON IS GOING TO SAY NO- ..... WHO AM I- JUST A CLOSE MINDED HATER- I GUESS THAT;AS WHAT IT IS. i DON'T LIKE THE WAY BEYONCE TREATED THE GIRLS SHE INTIALLY CLIMBED INTO STARDOM WITH i DO LIKE ALOT OF HER SONGS- I OWN none OF HER ALBUMS- JUST FEEL LIKE $HE'$ ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. Hey Beyonce- did you ever think that a simple , humble release to the radios- would have your music authentically recieved and then maybe you wouldnt have to play all like your rejected- not accepted in the country music industry?

WHAT WOULD EYE POSSIBLY HAVE TO OFFER.......

IT IS THE STRANGEST phe·nom·e·non /fəˈnäməˌnän,fəˈnämənən/ LIKE THE BIGGEST GRAB OF INFO IS TAKING PLACE FOR WHAT? MY AI REPLACEMENT? MY AI PERSON- DOUBLE- IT'S LIKE THE HIDDEN BACKDROP OF THE LIFE OF A THEATRICAL CREWSMAN .... I WEAR ALL BLACK - DO YOU WANT TO NOTE THAT TOO? I AM A LIVING FUNERAL. TAKE WHAT YOU WANT JERKS CUZ YOU WILL NEVER OWN MY SOUL.

I'm going thru changes

recently been taking care of my mom alot. she came home from visiting her latest grandbaby- u know how it is traveling.... we get sick- especially in this day & age- not to mention - she quit smoking cold turkey- after all these years= so her extra protective"coating"was removed- Mom came home with an awful croup cough- a week later it turned into a sinus infection. ALl of it just made my mom depressed. I do not blame her. Quitting smoking or anything cold turkey can be dangerous on the body. So many layers to the onion. My cousin Robin passed away from quitting alcohol one too many times cold turkey. That is what the Dr.s said. Anyway- getting back to the visit- we all age- To age gracefully is an art. It's beautifully painful, cuz the inevitable also brings forth the reality of absence even if it has yet to come ~ as hard as it is to face, funny how in the beginning of the visit my compassionate perspective is all yielding- and as the days pass- my character is in the hot yoga of effort - maintaining the stance I arrived with has suddenly melted away. The Seven dwarfs appear to me as I become all of them - intermittently. To be in the presence of a small child or an elderly relative- the patience comes like puffy white clouds- as they block the heat of the sun- moments seem more managable in the shade- resting brings pause- and a natural reset occurs. What is it about patience with a perfect stranger paralleled with the closeness of a family member - the almost fakeNESS To just be "yourself" a true jerk- why does it feel so good? Selfless selfishness- our son Luke brought home a great pharse from one of his college courses- he called it "Psychological egoism". Look that one up. WOW- self inventory- happens or not. Depends what type of person is reflecting- i do believe alot of people don't do that- me i am constantly falling down the rabbit hole. I am aware it is a problem for me. Anticipating the darkness is an absolute waste of time, as is too much self reflection. But I am grateful that I get to or I CHOOSE to be the one there for my mom, doing it wether I want to or not- that is just it- u have to suite up and show up- but sometimes I forget to put my turtle shell on- hypersensitive- I cry on the drive into the city and on my way home. Anticipating the darkness is an absolute waste of time. ALot of the times these daze- I would be totally fine to be free from the human condition. The spirit goes back up into the everlasting energy that is all of us.individually but also as a whole. Taking care of my mom, I get to spend precious time with her- even if it's alittle frustarting - the noticable changes in her recall ability- mistaking babysitting for baby sitters- no mom- we babysat them- they did not babysit US- we r the older ones.... mom struggles with this as she asks every time I visit. o it is what it is.... she's going thru changes- which makes me go thru changes- adjustments- the art of sadness can come with a tearful smile- but mostly I would like to be done with all of it... but luckily this too shall pass- and An elderly Dr. once told me that low iron dictates melancholia.

2/20/24

lEARNING THE SEASON OF LEARNING- season of the thaw- i heard a bird lastnight chirping inside the bamboo- which has been utterly obliterated by the heavy snow. the owl perches outside my window at night too now. the universe conspires for my truth if only i knew how to trust. perhaps that is coming to a thaw. only time can tell. breath, listen, act when needed. from the heart

Strawberry Love

xoox

xoox

scissors and glue

Been working on this for awhile- Yes- I understand- it's busy- I get it. I see faces all over it- it's almost like all the busy is too busy so I just look at the enitre thing as one- and sure enough all these faces started pushing out.... who knows i just keep doing what i am doing however, There is I continually get pulled in too many directions People that do not sit and work on art- perhaps do not understand the sacred aspect of time. I miss being a kid where food wasn't a thought- or a process I miss being a kid the freedoms of the mind no bills no rent nothing hanging over your head responsibility does not belong to you trying to find the right setting to even take a photo i am lost but am not wandering i never want to be found I have a hard time in general feel like a particle that doesnt want to be seen.... disconnected etc....

NO CABLE TV....

No Cable. learning how to maneuver this smart tv - OY- just feeling out of the loop- which I guess is ok- cuz it is ALL incessant commotion of pure insane man made quaCkery. Thus the news streams to me in a small river- no longer the cable- but finds me thru a stream off AOL- Retrieving email off AOL- images and Article Titles boom out to me- 1st- AOL loves to report on all the young men deaths around the country? WHy do I want to see that... or know about it>whaat? and 2nd- AOL loves to stir the pot- but isn't that all social media- with all their algorythms? this guys picture came up- Bradley Cooper-I saw A Star is Born- with Lady Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta- the connection was insane- but just thought they were good actors- then the way they played the piano together in some live- duo can't remember if it was the emmys or whatever- but then AOL streams some more gossipy B.S> last week- yeh yeh, I took the bait about him romancing GIGI.... idk- but isn't he so much older? not that age matters to me- but it kind of made me feel the same way when I look in my closet at all the shoes I never wear and I go and buy a brand new pair of softly used R E A L LY expenisive shoes that fit nice- but I have like two others exactly the same..... WHY ? I know nothing about being an actual actor- but I have experienced the imposter r0ll- and it takes a strong, elastic - I am so intrigued by the entire acting world- if you are constantly in and out of character It must take an extra oridnarily strong core to maintain the footing upon the ever shifting foundation of the nuances of the many seperate faces cloaked up ones shoulders the in and outs- ups and downs- of finding the personality of another- maybe it is refreshing to be someone else for a while gives one some space to reset or is it a maze- if you are super careful you will always be able to find your way out- is this guy real or fake his authentic self to me is just another hollywood player- that happens to be an excellent imposter/ actor. and the photo just looks like AI all the way. New grave world we are coming into.....

UPS SUCKS

The corporate untouchables you can find video's of UPS guys throwing packages around, trying to deliver a package to NYC 42" x 42" x 3"-35lbs. they wanted $240 our guy called an uber and he will deliver it in 3 hrs for $53. FUCK U UPS NOT TO MENTION they just lost or destroyed our Mister Softee Cone Displays total $1500 order to Ball Arena when All the other packages got delievered just fine- but one. UPS refuses to take responsibility I think that is the thing that is the most frustrating.... when I was trying to file a claim- I could not check off the lost circle- I had to repost it as damaged but no one knows where the package is- the only thing that arrived was the top of the box with the label on it. You can look at the timeline of the package in all of it's tracking - why not LET"S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE _ wtf.... so UPS just sort of puts their mote ass protected nose up in the air at US- U - ME THEM WHO EVER - shrugs their moted-ass protected cunt self SHOULDERS///// and says huH, no claim here. have a good day. that's what they say Huh- no claim here FUCK CORPORATE SOCIETY I AM SO DONE WITH THE ENTIRE GAME THE POLITICIANS ARE THE CORPORATES RAISING UP WITH ALL THESE ZOOMERS AND THEIR NON -CHALANCE ATTITUDE. NOTHING IS SACRED ANYMORE. SO DISGUSTED.

We'll NEVER know the REAL deTAILS